By: Dr. Salihu Lukman
The Remote Control of Our Lives: Personality
Our personality is an intangible remote control, dictating our interactions, decisions, and behaviors. It is hardwired into us, shaped by genetics, early experiences, and environmental influences. While our personality undergoes significant changes during adolescence, it begins to solidify around the age of 25. However, new traits may emerge over time due to experiences, exposure, and relationships. Understanding this can help us navigate interpersonal dynamics more effectively and avoid unnecessary conflicts.
Toxic Personality Traits and the Impact of Narcissism
Among the most conflictual and antagonistic personalities I have encountered are individuals exhibiting traits of Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)—especially when these disorders co-occur. If you are not a narcissist yourself, then you are likely to have closely interacted with one or even be surrounded by them.
Narcissistic abuse is pervasive and often masked behind charm and manipulation. Learning about narcissistic dynamics and defense mechanisms can save you from years of emotional turmoil. One of the best resources for understanding narcissism is Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a leading authority on the subject. Her YouTube channel provides daily insights into narcissistic behaviors, offering tools to identify and protect oneself from their impact.
Popular Hausa adages that describe narcissistic traits include:
• Zuma ga zaqi ga harbi (Honey in taste but harmful like a sting)
• Musa a baki, Fir’auna a zuci (Moses in speech, Pharaoh in heart)
• Inuwan giginya na nesa ka sha (The shadow of the palm tree looks comforting from afar but does not provide shade when near)
Additionally, understanding other personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) - the umbrella of psychopaths and sociopaths -, and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) can help decode the behaviors of those around us.
ADHD: A Must-Know for Parents and Educators
If you are a parent, guardian, or teacher, you must have a thorough understanding of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Many children exhibit signs of ADHD, such as excessive energy, forgetfulness, and poor executive function. Rather than punishing them unnecessarily, recognizing these symptoms can help in providing the right support. If none of your children have ADHD, chances are one of your students does. Awareness can make a significant difference in their academic and personal success.
Bipolar Disorder and Depression: Understanding the Signs
Parents of young adults entering tertiary institutions should familiarize themselves with Bipolar Disorder, particularly Bipolar Type 2, which often hides under prolonged depression. Many cases of persistent depression are misdiagnosed because the hypomanic phase of Bipolar 2 is subtle compared to full-blown mania.
To differentiate between unipolar depression and bipolar depression, it is essential to look for symptoms of manic or hypomanic episodes. This ensures a more accurate diagnosis and effective treatment. Anxiety, a common denominator of all mental disorders except psychopathy, is a silent yet debilitating disorder, that often coexists with depression. Understanding generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), social phobias, panic disorders, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) can help individuals recognize their struggles and seek the right interventions.
A simple magnesium supplement has been found to reduce anxiety and stress levels, providing a non-pharmaceutical approach to mental wellness. For expert insights into anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and ADHD, Dr. Tracey Marks’ YouTube channel is an invaluable resource.
While all psychiatric illnesses are mental disorders that may need to be treated with medications (prescribed by psychiatrists) and therapies (administered by psychologists), not all mental disorders are psychiatric illnesses.
Excessive Nagging and Jealousy: Personality Disorders at Play
If your spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend exhibits excessive jealousy and nagging behaviors that sometimes become delusional and unbearable, consider studying the following disorders:
• Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD)
• Delusional Disorder, Jealous Type
• Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
• Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)
Gaining insight into these disorders will provide clarity on maladaptive jealousy and nagging, helping you develop strategies to manage or navigate these behaviors effectively.
Exorcism vs. Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)
If you frequently spend money on exorcisms, you might want to explore Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). As a Muslim, I believe in the existence of evil spirits, but many cases attributed to spirit possession are actually manifestations of DID, where individuals exhibit different identities called alters (Aljanu) with varying personalities, ages, and backgrounds.
Additionally, disorders such as Dissociative Fugue (Makuwa in Hausa), Dissociative Amnesia, Depersonalization, and Derealization all fall under the umbrella of dissociative disorders and can mimic supernatural experiences.
Understanding Psychotic Disorders: Schizophrenia and Beyond
The condition often labeled as ‘madness’ is usually linked to psychotic disorders such as Schizophrenia. Contrary to common belief, there is no mad person—only an uncared-for person. Schizophrenia and related psychotic disorders can lead to severe mental deterioration if left untreated. Early detection and proper treatment can make a significant difference in the lives of those affected.
Final Thoughts: A Disclaimer
I am not a healthcare professional. By formal training, I am a civil engineer. However, I have spent the last six years personally and privately studying clinical psychology and psychiatry, not just from books but through direct interactions and observations of individuals with these disorders.
Mental health is not just as important as physical health—it may be even more important. A well-functioning mind dictates our quality of life, our relationships, and our ability to cope with stress. The better we understand it, the better we can safeguard ourselves and those around us.
A Call to Action
Make it a priority to learn about personality psychology, mental health, and psychiatric disorders. Doing so can save you from years of frustration, unnecessary conflicts, and emotional suffering. Invest time in exploring the works of experts such as Dr. Ramani Durvasula (Narcissism) and Dr. Tracey Marks (Mental Health). The knowledge you gain might just transform your life—and the lives of those around you.
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